Disguises Lead to More Problems Than They Solve
by Yaoi's Consort
Summary: Megamind attempts to learn more about Roxanne, and Metro Man saves him when he really doesn't need his help. Metro Man doesn't get it. Starring his diguise generator watch! Metro Man/Megamind, gender confusion.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Featuring Megamind's disguise generator watch!

Metro Man x Megamind

**Hey guys! This fic is based off the DeviantArt **_**Nobody Knows**_** by ****MaXKennedy****. I looked at it and just BAM! Out comes this fic baby. I hope this will only turn out to be a three-shot at most, but it may be longer. **

**To those of you following my BuJeet fic, I'm very sorry I haven't been updating! I've run into a wall with it, but don't worry! With enough support and insistence, I may be incensed to write more *wink wink*.**

**But for now…ENJOY YOUR ALIENS!**

**Summary: Megamind has used his disguise generator to get out of trouble and to start it. But now he may have used it to make a bit too much trouble for himself when one of his disguises attracts the attention of his arch-nemesis.**

**Disclaimer: NOTHING. NOOOOOOTTTHHHIIIIIIIING.**

Roxanne had become more and more unruly as time went on.

Megamind had had quite a bit of difficulty trying to frighten her into submission, but it seems like the alligators, gauntlet of blades, cycle of spiked boots, and chainsaw weren't enough to keep her pliant anymore.

He might even have to resort to using a flamethrower next time; but heat made his skin tight and it was very painful (not to mention pathetic) to laugh evilly with a peeling, squintched face.

So he chose to find out what it was that she feared, so that he might have something new to frighten her with.

Unfortunately the only way he knew how to was by stalking her.

And that only told him that the cameraman "Hal" had an unhealthy obsession with her, she had 3 cats, and she hung out with her friends when she wasn't interviewing Metro Man.

So he came up with a new plan:

Plan: BFFs with "Roxxy-Poo", as the annoying female Janet called her.

So he started crafting a suitable disguise that fooled even Minion when it was finished.

"Carmen", as he called her, was a rather buxom woman with red shoulder-length hair. She retained his green eyes, but hers were framed by long, flirtatious lashes. Her features were fair, with naturally red lips and a small button nose. Her skin was tan, but only slightly so, as anything more would crack his alibi of stereotypical office worker. He'd topped it off by having Minion help him learn how to walk in heels.

The plan to becoming Roxanne's bestie was fairly simple; get kidnapped by Minion, than escape of 'her' own power.

So far Step One was complete. But Step Two now had a slight complication.

It seemed Metro Man had decided it was his duty to save _any_ maiden in distress, even if this one was screaming her head off and struggling madly.

"Let go of me, you!" he shouted, 'her' voice a high-pitched screech (The addition of a voice-changer choker allowed him to speak as such).

"Don't worry, madam! Everything is under control!" Metro Man announced, as though he hadn't even heard her.

"I _had _everything under control before you got there, you stupid idiot! Now put me down!" 'Carmen' accented this by hitting him, punctuating each word.

He felt Metro Man's flight stutter, before slowly descending towards the ground and setting him down on his bare feet. (Apparently, flying makes you lose your heels. He'd been proud of that pair, too; Minion had helped him learn how to walk in them.) He'd landed them in Central park, a few people cheered nearby, because it seemed that Metro Man had saved a damsel in distress, _again,_ but at the moment, Megamind could care less about the spectators.

He turned indignantly, his hands on his hips as he began to rant at his 'savior's' chest (even in his normal form, he was shorter than the superhero), and now he had to tell the most ridiculous lie of how he spotted a big red button clearly labeled 'To help you escape the Giant Fish Gorilla' when he'd been snatched up by the overly excited superhero.

"But…but I _saved_ you." Metro Man protested weakly, arms held out in an attempt to pacify the ranting woman. Unfortunately, Megamind's tirade was far from over.

"Now I've lost my shoes, my hair is a mess, and it will take _ages _to get my makeup back in order!" (Allowing the hologram to be able to interact with his environment had been Minion's idea; the only real problem would be getting back his shoes.)

Megamind, as Carmen, in some strange fit of rage and indignity at yet another plan foiled (he could try again later, he knew, but it was still _frustrating), _and maybe it was because he didn't have on his own face, or maybe he was finally fed up with being beaten again and again, but he brought up his hand, and slammed it as hard as he could onto Metro Man's face.

_SLAP!_

Only after he hears the crack of skin on skin and the collective gasp of those few spectators surrounding him does he realize just what he's done. He could frame the look Metro Man had on his face if he wasn't so mortified at just having done what he did. He turns on his heel, marching stiffly away in an attempt to preserve what little dignity he still had.

Several concerned citizens run up to Metro Man, cooing and gasping at the angry red handprint decorating half of his face. Each one offers up some conciliation, such as a cold pack or tracking down the offensive woman, so caught up in thinking of retaliating against the unknown woman that they don't hear the comment murmured under his breath, and the handprint hid the blush decorating his cheeks.

"Wow. What a woman."

**Pff. Such a cheesy ending to a stupid chapter. BUT DAT PICTURE. I can't help it, it makes plot babies erupt from my mind. I won't provide a link, but I think you'll be able to find it easily enough. Also, I've got 25 stories in progress right now, from various fandoms.**

…**I hate myself right now.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Here's chapter 2! The ideas keep pouring in. why do I love messing around with the border separating males from females so much?**

…**I have a crossdressing fetish. So leave me alone.**

Megamind sighed as he tapped morosely on the keyboard in front of him. It would be odd if Carmen claimed to be an office worker, and didn't work…in an office. Minion had filled out the paperwork and now here he was, working at the news coverage company that Roxanne covered for. He had agreed with Minion on getting a job, but…he sighed again. It was so _boring!_ Nothing _ever_ happened. Everyone was a drone, not even reacting when he'd waved a hand in front on their faces.

He hopped onto his chair, glancing over his cubicle walls to see if his boss was coming around. Mr. Morenson was a good boss, keeping everyone on track, he just had a little…problem. For some reason, he found Carmen irresistible. Now, Megamind found it flattering that Carmen was wanted, but…it could be a bit uncomfortable when Mr. Morenson came around to "check in", which translated better to "attempt to convince Carmen to come to his office and let him have his way with her". Various gropes, heavy breathing, and disgustingly close proximity normally was included in this "checking in", and Megamind had to keep from bodily harming the overweight man. Nothing much mind you. Maybe a month of reconstituting him into a cube would help staunch his appetite.

Seeing that the coast was clear, Megamind pulled out the flashdrive in his pocket, plugging it into the computer and opening the Quick-Do software.

The Quick-Do software was something he'd whipped up when he realized just how boring office work was. It commenced to do the work that he had to complete for the rest of the week, finishing by the time he needed to go home for the day.

Stepping through the hologram wall, he entered his hideout, immediately turning off 'Carmen'. He stretched, allowing his body to get used to itself. He'd tweaked his disguise generator so that it would allowed his body to form to the hologram, so that if anyone accidentally bumped into Carmen's body, they wouldn't slip through it and disrupt the constant flow of energy, thus rendering the device null and void.

"Minion!" he called, stepping forward, "Minion, I require your assistance!"

Minion rose up from under his computer, likely doing repairs or updates Megamind wouldn't trouble himself with. "Yes, Master?"

"I've freed up the rest of the week. So, what will we try this time?"

"King Kong?"

"Too cliché."

"Flag Pole?"

"Too airy."

"Dalmatian?"

"No fire!"

As Minion continued to tick off possible ideas, Megamind came up with the perfect plan.

"I've got it!"

"What, Master?"

"A giant, mechanical spee-ider! It's perfect!"

"I'll get started on it, Master!"

**Kinda short, but, meh. Right now I'm on a role with this fic, so I'll probably write two more chapters before I don't update for three more months.**

…**hopefully not that long.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**So, yeah…I have no idea when I'm gonna get to the nasty stuff. I'm probably gonna write more about how Metro Man falls in love with Carmen and kinda turns into a super-powered Hal, but…cooler. And more stalky. But not too stalky, I don't want him finding out Carmen's secret that way.**

…**I'll stop rambling now.**

Megamind twitched under the Carmen skin. He'd known holograms to be slippy, like scales against his skin, but he'd never known for holograms to be…itchy. Maybe it was because the skin was female, or the new feature of reacting to the surrounding environment caused some kind of allergic reaction, or…something.

He'd have Minion fix it later.

For now, he'd have to bear the urge to turn off the hologram and simply scratch himself everywhere. He'd managed to arrange several meetings with Roxanne through Janet. Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to find out her fears quite yet, but he was planning to breach the subject today.

Even though he couldn't stand the screech of Janet's voice, she was still easier to get to than Roxanne. He hadn't realized just how much time she spent out in the field interviewing people or doing the news. Besides, 'Carmen' was still too low on the company food chain to meet up with the reporter, and besides, what would an office worker be doing with a reporter in the first place?

He'd gotten through to Janet with a mind ray, implanting false memories of the two of them being childhood friends. Luckily, she also worked an office job at the company, though slightly higher than Carmen. She'd arranged for the three of them to get together after work, at a coffee shop near Central Park. Perfect.

Walking next to Janet as they headed for the coffee shop to meet up with Roxanne, Megamind couldn't help but scratch a bit at his arm. The itch was growing, almost to the point of being more than slightly uncomfortable.

"Roxanne!" Janet called, and Megamind raised his head, spotting Roxanne waving back at them, already seated and sipping a cappuccino.

He waved back, mind already whirling around the questions he was going to ask. He'd have to broach the topic subtly; he didn't want to give himself away too quickly.

They walked over to the table, settling down next to her. Janet ordered a coffee, and himself, an herbal tea. He only drank coffee that Minion brought; he knew his preferences exactly.

"So, Roxanne, how have you been?" he asked, sipping his tea.

"Well enough. I haven't been kidnapped lately, which is a little strange."

Megamind almost sipped a little too quickly. He had to be cautious. "Maybe he's trying to figure out how to scare you. You don't seem very frightened when you get captured anymore."

"Hmm. Maybe. I was pretty scared the first few times." She confessed.

"Really?" Megamind glanced at her.

"Yeah. But the thing is, it just got…repetitive. I mean, he uses the same techniques and devices every time he should come up with something a little more original."

"What would you see as original?" he scratched his head absently.

"Well, I-—look out!"

Roxanne stood up, mouth agape and pointing at something behind Carmen. Before Megamind could turn, he was snatched up, and carried off to the top of City Hall. It took three seconds for Megamind to remember to scream.

When he'd been placed down, he ceased the noise. He turned on Minion, who was operating the robotic spider, and apparently thinking he'd done of very good job.

"Master! Did I do well?" he grinned, his fins flapping.

"Minion! Do you realize what today is?!"

"um…Tuesday?"

"Yes, Minion, Tuesday. When did I tell you to come kidnap me?"

"When you gave the signal?" Minion was shrinking into his neck.

"And what was the signal?"

"Scratching your head?" Minion's voice was softer now, squeakier.

Megamind belatedly realized that's exactly what he'd done, just before Minion had swooped down. It was this stupid skin, which was itching and caused him to scratch. His anger fizzled away, and he looked up at Minion, feeling ashamed of himself for taking out his anger on Minion when he'd down exactly as he asked.

"Oh, Minion," he sighed, "you haven't done anything wrong. It's this skin, it's…itchy. I must have scratched my head without thinking about it."

Minion brightened, raising his head out of his neck. "Well, I know just how to fix that, Master!" he chirped eagerly, climbing down the side until he was in front of Megamind, and took his wrist. The watch shimmered into existence, and Minion tapped the screen a few times, and Megamind felt the tickling urge to scratch disappear as Minion stepped away.

"Thank you, Minion," he said gratefully, "now get back up into the spee-ider! Quickly! Before Metro Man gets here!"

Minion scurried up the side of the machine, as much as a gorilla suit could scurry, and got back into the cockpit. He lifted Megamind back up, and turned on his own disguise generator, so that his appearance was that of Megamind. He commenced the evil laughter, coming back into view of the group of people gathered in front of City Hall.

"Mwahahahaha! Now where's you're superhero, hmm? Certainly not here, saving the damsel in distress! Mwahahahahahaha!"

Megamind turned his voice into a pitiful wail. "Help me, Metro Man! Oh please, save me!"

Megamind did think they were laying it on a bit thick, but it worked all the same. Within moments his robot was flying backwards, a surprised "oof!" escaping Minion as he was pushed back onto a street. Megamind still remained trapped in one of the legs, the front section folded back to form a sort of pincer. He started to scream, though, as the robot was lifted and thrown over the city into a more open area.

"Don't worry, miss! I know exactly what I'm doing!" Megamind's face twitched at the confidence in his voice.

Minion has managed to keep his pincer up, preventing him from being squashed on the ground. One by one, until only three legs were left—-the two supporting the robot , rather unsteadily, and the one holding Megamind—-Metro Man ceased, giving Minion the opening he'd been looking for.

"I will retreat for now, Metro Man! If you want her so much, you can have her!" and without a pause, Minion threw him.

They'd rehearsed this part, but out in the open, feeling the wind shriek past him, was much more terrifying than a crash course in his hideout. He screamed, and screamed, and screamed, until it cut off in shock as he felt his rocketing flight suddenly stop. He clung to spandex fabric, Carmen's fingernails digging into unyielding muscle.

"Don't worry, miss, I have you!" his fingers dug in even more at his voice. He looked up, big green eyes meeting confident blue orbs. That confidence faltered, though, as they brightened with recognition.

"You!" he exclaimed, sounding breathless.

"Yes, me." Megamind was getting a bit uncomfortable in the position he was in, cradled in Metro Man's arms. "Now, would you mind setting me down?"

…**this doesn't sound like a romance story. At all. **


End file.
